capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i came on her dog
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Boobs are out for the taking
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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