People in love make me want to vomit
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Blow job season was short but glorious.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
