he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
