Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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