after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
