There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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