I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
