I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize