So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
