she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a search helicopter?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
