i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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