I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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