two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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