I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
