THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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