u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
