# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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