You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
