I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
