How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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