well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I AM VODKA MAN
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
