just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
