Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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