We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
