If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
