Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
