Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
