Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
