Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize