shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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