I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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