Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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