last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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