i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize