I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
