you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
