Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
