I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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