Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
