Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
