Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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