maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
