I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
