her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
