I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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