Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
