You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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