someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
