haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Congratulations! We have a period
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