You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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