Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize