But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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