Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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