I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
only if we run a train.
done.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
