I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
