I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
