As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
