she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize