Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
