Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
