I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
