His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize