If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my vagina is haunted
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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