While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
