He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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