FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
