I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
