god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
