I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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