Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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