and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
