That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
