She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
