Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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