I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
