put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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