i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
