I only kidnapped one of them. chill
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
