Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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