I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
