Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
