I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize