I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
