I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
