those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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