He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
