dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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