Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
