I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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