Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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