it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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