Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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