i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
