so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
