So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
