kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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