I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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