U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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