I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
