I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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