yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just puked most of my soul out..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
