We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
