"it" just moved
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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