Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
