HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
